Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Do you still need help with your Twitter pitch? #PitchMAS

The blog pitches have been submitted, posted and #PitchMAS is LIVE! Agents and editors have been dropping in today and making requests, and we've even had TWO THREE ninja agents swoop in and make requests as well! 

We are super excited and so happy for those of you getting requests. But this is only the first half of #PitchMAS! 

Tomorrow begins our all day long Twitter pitch party!

If you don't feel like you absolutely ADORE your Twitter pitch for tomorrow's #PitchMAS Twitter Pitch Party, post it here for more feedback! 

(PS. You may never actually ADORE your Twitter pitch, but we do want you to at least like it. A little.)

133 comments:

  1. Am I greedy to post four options? If anyone would be kind enough to chime in on these Twitter pitches, I may be able to stop obsessing.

    I'm Hannah. They said my aunt was crazy for accusing Veck. Am I crazy too? I heard his deadly secret and now, I'm coming for him. #pitchMAS

    GOOD: I found someone who can make the voices stop. BAD: He's related to the man who's stalking his next human prey. YA paranormal #PitchMAS

    Hannah hears thoughts. Did she inherit the family crazy? Colin's touch brings silence, but not before a deadly secret changes everything. #pitchMAS

    I’m Hannah. My family history proves hearing voices isn't a good thing, esp. when my bf’s cousin is stalking his next human prey. #PitchMAS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the two in the middle the best. But I'm not a fan of "changes everything."

      Let's see ...

      GOOD: I found a guy who can make the voices in my head stop. BAD: He's related to the serial killer I've been listening to. YAPARA #PitchMAS

      Thoughts?

      Delete
    2. Those are all so GOOD! I'd definitely read this book In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm going to put in my preorder for it right now.

      So, that being said, here are my thoughts:

      I like #1 and #4 the best. They both seem to be the clearest on the MC + problem.

      But I don't see how you could go wrong with any of them! Best of luck!

      Delete
    3. I LOVE your changes, Jessa. Fantastic. Can you rewrite my current blog pitch on Feaky's blog too, haha? I am not getting requests and I think the pitch is tragically awkward. Sigh. Only kidding, but today hasn't been my day.

      Twitter pitchMAS can't come soon enough!

      Brooks, I'm putting you down for one autographed copy. ;)

      Delete
    4. I really like Jessa's thoughts. If you want to emphasize that Hannah is "coming for him," maybe try:

      GOOD: I found a guy who makes the voices in my head stop. BAD: He's related to the serial killer I've been thought-stalking. YAPARA #PitchMAS

      Good luck! :)

      Delete
    5. I like this one:

      Hannah hears thoughts. Did she inherit the family crazy? Colin's touch brings silence, but not before a deadly secret changes everything. #pitchMAS

      Delete
    6. OOH! I love Jayme's suggestion! Thought-stalking is awesome. Well, the words, maybe not the act. lol ;-)

      I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged, Melissa. I do understand. But there are still a handful of people that haven't come by to make requests yet, as well as the Twitter party tomorrow! You've got this!

      Delete
    7. So glad to have found your blog, Jessa! Very encouraging, positive, inspiring set of followers. And I was just telling my sister this weekend that I think cemeteries are cool. They thought that was morbid of me, but now I know I'm not alone.
      Take care and thanks to all for the help!

      Delete
  2. My twitter pitch for my MG fantasy, EDEN WORN:

    13yo Asher must rescue his dad he thought was dead from an evil overlord living in a world hidden beyond his school's boiler room. #pitchMAS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love the premise, but I feel like it's too vague. Can you be more specific about either his dad (why did he think he was dead?), the evil overlord or the hidden world? Can you break this pitch into a few sentences instead of one long one?

      Delete
    2. Still really like this one. Good luck! :)

      Delete
    3. interesting.

      13yo Asher thought his father was dead, but now he's rescuing him from a hidden realm....

      Kind of agree with Melissa like maybe it needs something else to oomph it up but I would read it:)

      Delete
    4. I agree, more oomph is needed.

      I tried adding more oomph. I hope it's oomphworthy:


      13yo Asher must battle an army of monsters & an evil overlord to rescue his dad from a world beyond his school’s boiler room door. #pitchMAS

      Delete
    5. Oooh! I liked the other one, but this one definitely has more oomph!! :D

      Delete
    6. I like! The oomph helps! Since we can pitch twice an hour, I vote we try all our pitches throughout the day. That's allowed, right?

      Delete
    7. I like this update - all that's missing is the word "oomph" in the twitter pitch:) There's just something about that word...

      Delete
    8. Thanks for the help, all.

      Melissa, I would think so. That's really a good idea, too.

      Delete
    9. Yes! Switch it up if you'd like! You never know - a word that may catch one person's eye may not catch another's.

      Delete
    10. Also, maybe you can switch "evil overload" and "army of monsters" (does the army belong to the evil overlord?) This could just be my personal taste coming in, but I think it *might* flow better if it read:

      13yo Asher must battle an evil overlord & his army of monsters to rescue his dad from a world beyond his schools boiler room door.#pitchMAS

      But I think your pitch is awesome, and I love the concept!

      Delete
    11. I like that, too!

      But not all of the monsters belong to the bad guy. Just some of them. Lots of creatures and meanies in this one.

      Thanks for the input!

      Delete
    12. ohhh gotcha! in that case, nevermind haha :P I think youve got it!

      Delete
  3. what do you think?: 16yo Carly’s rare daemonic gift lands her a spot on the secret Dominatori council, but is it enough to find her mother’s killer? #pitchMAS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually think its pretty good as is

      Delete
    2. I really like this, but is there any way you could clarify what the Dominatori is? Maybe something like: 16yo Carly's rare daemonic gift lands her on a secret demon-hunting council, but...

      Obviously, not sure if that's what a Dominatori is, but something like that. Good luck! :)

      Delete
    3. I agree. I don;'t know what Dominatori means, so clarification there would be great. Otherwise, I love the pitch!

      Delete
    4. also, it might be a little tighter if you take out the question (but this is just my opinion).

      Something like: 16yo Carly's rare demonic gift just got her one step closer to hunting her mothers killer...who also wants to take over the world (or something like that. if you show the stakes a little more, I think you'd have a super-solid pitch!)

      Delete
  4. PM Kester

    Dear Oprah, Mainstream Fiction

    Twitter Pitch

    Jessi has escaped her past and is not looking back - until her mother's letter arrives. Will therapy and Oprah keep her sane? #PitchMAS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This sounds fun and potentially heartbreaking. I've heard agents don't like rhetorical questions, but in this case I think it works. Good luck! :)

      Delete
    2. thanks for the feedback Jayme! I didn't know about the rhetorical question thing - interesting...

      Delete
    3. Hi Faye!

      I love Oprah, but I'm wondering if this book is adult or YA? You may want to note that somehow in the pitch.

      I find myself wondering what kind of past and what kind of letter. Is she going insane, literally? I feel like I need more in order to understand what this book is about.

      Just my two cents, hope this helps!

      Delete
    4. I agree with Melissa. I don't really see the connection between the letter and Jessi's sanity. If you can shore up that link, you'll probably be golden.

      So tough to do this in 140 characters (especially because you have to leave room for the hashtag)!

      Delete
    5. What about this:

      Jessi is faced with a demand from her mother that awakens past hurts and leaves her reeling. Can writing to Oprah help her heal? #PitchMAS

      Delete
    6. NO! Your first sentence is gold! But maybe combine the two: Jessi has escaped her past and is not looking back - until her mom demands... what? I'd definitely get specific.

      Delete
    7. Hope you are still on Jayme. How is this:

      Jessi has escaped her past and is not looking back - until her mother takes legal action against her. Can writing Oprah save her? #PitchMAS

      Delete
    8. Ooh! This is really getting close. "Takes legal action" sounds a little formal to me. I might go with "sues" her, but not sure if that's accurate. Maybe "slaps her w/ a lawsuit"?

      Also, don’t be afraid to drop spoilers. I’d really like to know what’s at stake. For example: Jessi has escaped her past and isn’t looking back - until mom sues for custody of their beloved Chihuahua. Can Oprah save her? #PitchMAS

      Probably not what’s going on, but do you see what I’m saying? Help us see what Jessi stands to lose. 140 characters is so tough, but I know you can do it! Worst case, I’d cut Oprah and focus on Jessi. All you have to do with a Twit pitch is get agents to care enough about Jessi and her conflict to ask to see your query, where you can go into detail about Oprah, etc (they won’t see your title on the #PitchMAS board)

      Hope that helps. :)

      Delete
    9. Twitter Pitch take 100:)

      Jessi has escaped her past and is not looking back - until her mother sues to see the grandkids. Can writing Oprah save her? #PitchMAS

      Delete
    10. Intriguing. What's the problem with her mother? Could you throw 'crazy' or 'cruel' or something in? Maybe you could just make the last sentence "Can Oprah save her?" to save precious space. Because it would sort of be understood Jessi would be writing to Oprah for help, right?

      Delete
    11. Thanks Heather. See the new update:

      Jessi has escaped her past and is not looking back - until her abusive mother sues to see the grandkids. Can Oprah save her? #PitchMAS

      Delete
    12. I think you can get more voice-y here...like "now the all-powerful Oprah may be her only hope" (ok, thats not really voice-y.

      Essentially, I just want to know *how* Oprah would be able to save her...like does she want to go on her show or...something else?

      Delete
    13. Twitter pitch take 300

      Jessi has escaped her past and is not looking back - until her crazy mother sues to see the grandkids. Can writing Oprah save her? #PitchMAS

      Delete
    14. Or....

      Jessi has escaped her past and is not looking back - until her crazy mother sues to see the grandkids. Can venting to Oprah help? #PitchMAS

      Delete
    15. I like adding in a descriptor about the mother. I think it depends on the tone of the book whether you use crazy or abusive. Crazy sounds like it might have some humor, abusive sounds serious. But it's definitely sounding good!

      Delete
  5. I’ve got two books I’m thinking about subbing. Would greatly appreciate any feedback.

    I’m pretty happy with this one:
    MG: 5 friends & 1 reluctant enemy hunt treasure while 2 gun-toting modern-day pirates hunt them. GOONIES in small town Florida. #PitMAS

    More concerned about this one:
    MG: The most powerful tech in Lena’s new underground school is hanging around her neck. She doesn’t know – but her headmaster does. #PitMAS

    I like this one more, but worry it makes the book sound too creature-feature.
    MG: Most bullies want your lunch money. Lena’s want her planet. With colonies burrowed all through Earth, they’re halfway there. #PitMAS

    Thanks in advance to anyone who offers their thoughts! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That last one sounds awesome! Definitely has a Sci-Fi feel to it. Are the colonies filled with something you could put in the pitch? (aliens, bugs, humanoids)? That might lessen the creature-feature feel (though I don't get that from this pitch).

      The 1st one is really good and you mention Goonies. +831893210 for you.

      Oh, just make sure the tag you use is pitchMAS, not pitMAS. I don't want these going unnoticed because of a couple of letters.

      Delete
    2. Hi Jayme!

      Love this one! MG: Most bullies want your lunch money. Lena’s want her planet. With colonies burrowed all through Earth, they’re halfway there. #PitMAS

      Not sure the Goonies with small-town Florida works. I want to know more than that. Small-town Florida really doesn't explain anything, in my opinion.

      Good luck!

      Delete
    3. I agree with Brooks. I like the last pitch the most out of what you have listed. And don't forget the #pitchMAS

      Delete
    4. I LOVE the last pitch. It has stakes, humour, and shows the plot.

      Delete
    5. Yikes! Definitely using #pitchMAS. Thanks for spotting it, guys!

      Brooks: the colonies are basically the modern incarnation of Atlantis, filled with people who look/act totally human. I worried "burrowed" might make them sound like bugs or something. Also worried it might be misleading. The "bullies" are a splinter group of Atlanteans, not all of them... just hard to cram all of that into 140 characters. And thanks! I <3 the Goonies. :D

      Melissa: I went with small-town FL because I worried no one would know where Amelia Island is. Would you skip setting entirely and maybe use those words differently? Still torn. Good luck to you too! :)

      Faye: Thanks! Good luck! :)

      Delete
    6. I feel like the setting doesn't set the book apart enough, esp. since it's another small-town near an ocean. If you said Goonies set in the North Pole, that might lend something to my imagination.

      Is there some other way to set your book apart from Goonies other than the setting?

      Delete
    7. Hmm... I'll have to think on this. 140 characters is so short! Thanks, Melissa! :)

      Delete
    8. I love the last pitch. Could you maybe use 'hidden' instead of 'burrowed'? I thought 'bugs' when I read burrowed. Sounds like a very cool sci-fi.

      Delete
  6. I think this works, but would like some additional feedback =)

    A green light and an unobservant drunk driver are all it takes to send Jimmy Rickliefs rock star career into a tailspin. #PitchMas

    This is for Mainstream/Commercial novel Driven

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm. I know what the problem is (car accident) but I don't know the stakes.

      After a drunk driver brings Jimmy's rockstar lifestyle to an end, THIS, THIS, and THIS must happen OR ELSE THIS.

      Do you see what I'm saying? I think you need to amp the pitch up a bit.

      Delete
    2. I'm with Jessa. I'd like to know a little about where the story is going. Maybe something like: Trading groupies for a prosthetic leg wasn’t what Jimmy had in mind, but he’s determined to show the world he can still rock. #PitchMAS

      Obviously that might not be what the story's about, just a thought on how you could rework it structurally. Good luck! :)

      Delete
    3. Aaaaand Jayme's idea FTW. That was awesome!

      Delete
    4. Dear Jayme,

      Please write my pitches for me.

      Sincerely,

      -Kel ;)

      *laughs* Good suggestions!! It's so hard to sum up this book in a Twitter pitch, but I never thought of simply re-wording things. I've been running with that one for a while now. Let me do some brainstorming now I'm off work and I'll repost what I come up with =)

      Delete
    5. Okay, here's a 100% new wording for it, if anyone is still awake to do a critique =)

      From making millions to wondering if he will ever walk again, Jimmy has to decide: risk his life or give up his dream. #PitchMas

      Delete
  7. *Rolls up sleeves* Okay. Here's my Twitter pitch -- Feel free to be brutal.

    Pitch: Super strength? Check. Spandex costume? Check. Boss working to bomb her city? Check. Now Gwen just needs to save Scotland.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love it! But What happens if she doesn't save Scotland? And who is Gwen?

      For example:
      Super strength? Check. Sweet spandex outfit? Check. Now minivan mom Gwen just has to save Scotland from her bomb-crazy boss. #PitchMAS

      PS. Don't forget the hash tag. :-)

      Delete
    2. I would love to read this! Definitely caught my interest. Good luck!

      Delete
    3. Thanks, Jessa and Beth!

      Okay. How's this?

      Super strength? Check. Questionable spandex suit? Check. Now accountant Gwen just has to save Scotland from her bomb-crazy boss. #PitchMAS

      Delete
    4. YES! Love this new version. Just wondering why is the suit questionable? Is it unflattering? Scratchy? Impractical? Not sure you need to change your pitch, just curious.

      Delete
    5. LOVE it! Well done.

      And if I had to guess, I'd say the spandex suit is questionable because it's spandex. But that may just be my opinion. ;-)

      #justsaynotospandex

      Delete
    6. It's questionable because her flatmate made it for her and it gives her wedgies. :)

      Thank you so much for the feedback!

      And Jessa -- AMEN. I often try to forget the fact that in the early to mid 90s I could be found wearing spandex leggings with massive t-shirts.....*shakes self*

      Delete
    7. HAHA! Mystery solved. I love that her faltmate made it for her, though obviously there's not room for that 140 characters. Good luck tomorrow! :)

      Delete
    8. Yeah...I don't have anything to crit here - you rolled with everyone's suggestions very well and I really like this one!

      Delete
    9. This pitch is awesome on so many levels. I'd love to say I could help, but I don't think it needs it!

      Delete
  8. Not sure which book I want to pitch tomorrow. Any feedback on the pitches would be appreciated.

    Here's what I came up with for book 1:
    17 y/o Shelby realizes her boarding school roommate Kiki is a ghost- dead for 24 yrs & only Shelby can solve her murder #pitchmas


    Here's what I came up with for book 2:
    With the Olympics months away, Harper's spot on Team USA is in the bag. Then injury strikes. So does romance. #pitchmas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the second one is tighter. I especially like the idea of romance "striking." That sounds great to me.

      The first one makes me question why only Shelby can solve Kiki's murder. Is it because she's the only one who can see Kiki?

      Delete
    2. I'd like to know more about Shelby and Kiki's relationship. Does Shelby help b/c she likes Kiki and wants her to find peace? Or is she annoyed she has to share her room with a ghost? Maybe something like: 17yo Shelby’s roommate is a ghost – and if she doesn’t help Kiki rest in peace, she’ll never let Shelby shower in peace again. #PitchMAS

      Random, but just a thought on how to restructure it. Hope it helps.

      I like your second one a lot, but I think Harper's heartbreak could be a little more vivid. Maybe: 10 yrs of training are about to earn Harper a spot on Team USA. Then...

      Good luck! :)

      Delete
    3. Yes, she's the only one who can see her. Now I just need to figure out how to work that in... Maybe I'll just pitch the second book. It's my favorite of the two anyway.

      Delete
    4. Maybe if you give it a sense of urgency? Something like: Only Shelby can see her ghost roommate, Kiki. If they don’t find Kiki’s killer by Christmas, he’ll strike again. #PitchMAS

      Not sure if that’s close at all, just trying to get a sense of the stakes. Is Kiki fading? In danger? Something like: Only Shelby can see her ghost roommate. If the 24yo mystery of Kiki’s death goes unsolved, she’ll be trapped in Room 118 forever. #PitchMAS

      Hope that helps. 140 characters is tough!

      Delete
    5. The second one is definitely tighter, IMO. Then again, it also just sounds awesome and right up my alley, so I'm a little prejudiced!

      Delete
  9. I hope to have better luck today! Here is what I have for Twitter:

    Tessa is kidnapped in an ancient land to be sacrificed as a ritual burnt offering. Only love can save her from the altar of death #pitchmas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think specifics could really help this sparkle. Maybe something like:

      As a POW, Tessa expects to lose her heart to a Mayan ritual knife – not the dashing enemy warrior who risks it all to save her. #PitchMAS

      Hope that helps. Good luck! :)

      Delete
    2. Ohhh I like Jayme's suggestion! Much more specific and very pitch-y!

      Delete
    3. Seriously, I love it! How's this:

      As a POW, Tessa expects to lose her heart to an Egyptian ritual knife, not the dashing enemy priest who risks it all to save her. #PitchMAS

      Technically, she's not a POW. She really was kidnapped, thought to be the sacrificial lamb foretold by the prophets...but POW would work, right?

      Delete
    4. In that case, you could probably leave "As a POW" out entirely and just start with "Tessa expects..." Either way, I smell a winner! :)

      Delete
    5. Thank you Jayme. I appreciate your help:) and your vote of confidence!

      Delete
    6. Yesssss I think this is excellent! Good luck tomorrow :)

      Delete
    7. Thank you Alex! I appreciate your shot of confidence tonic!!!
      Yay! I'm do excited about tomorrow:)

      Delete
  10. Ok, thoughts are very welcome! Are there some kind of rules for using abbv. in the tweets?

    #1. Grad student Tyler Hayden knows the human body inside and out, about 18,000 medical terms and every song Hannah Montana ever made #PitchMas

    #2. Taylor, 26, never expected to fall in love with the girl next door, but then, his GND is 31, a mom & thinks being a BBW is a flaw. #PitchMas

    #3. 31 yr old Kari Mackenzie has a deacent job, a wise 8yr old daughter and the hots for her 26 yr old babysitter/neighbor #PitchMas

    #4. 31 yr old Kari moved 1600 miles to forget men. So why a yr later does her 26 yr old babysitter smell like Axe soap and home?#PitchMas

    *Chews nails*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is your book told from both Tyler's and Kari's POVs? If it's just one, I would focus in on your MC. I like #4 b/c it makes it clear that Tyler is not disrupting a happy marriage. Also, not sure ages are needed. Maybe try:

      Kari moved 1600mi to forget men – but her 8yo’s new sitter, a sizzling hot med student, just might be able to restart her heart. #PitchMas

      Good luck! :)

      Delete
    2. It is told from both pov. Oooooh I like that one... Wasn't sure how to include the reverse age gap because it plays a part in the story.

      Delete
    3. I like the above suggestion! Your pitches do a good job of describing the characters, but I think we also need to know the stakes! Whats the conflict in the story?

      Delete
    4. Hmmm... Good point. Have to think about this. How to cram, she thinks she missed her opportunity at love and refuses to believe that a younger handsome future dr at the beginning of his life and career really has fallen in love with her, an older, overweight, divorced, single mom. But instead convinces herself that he's trying to make up for not saving his mom from his abusive father by "fixing" her hurts of being used, abused and abandoned by the few men she's had in her life.

      Ok yeah, I've gotta think on that for a few...

      Delete
  11. So jessa I feel left out. I don't have anything that is ready to be pitched but Part of me is saying "but I wantta play too." any way congrats to everyone who found agents and who has stuff to pitch. I envy you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm new to Twitter. Any feedback would be welcome. Thanks.

    Now that 16yo Becca knows she has a Halo and can control plants, she has to escape wizards who want to kill her because of it. #pitchMAS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds interesting. Maybe you should give a little info about what the Halo is.

      Delete
    2. Thanks, Faye.

      Revised:

      Now that Becca knows she has a protective Halo and can control plants, she has to escape wizards who want to kill her because of it#pitchMAS

      Delete
    3. I read your blog sub post too, so I threw this together...

      16yo Becca is seeking a secret society who can explain her sudden plant controlling ability before corrupt can wizards get to her. #PitchMas

      Delete
    4. I like what HJGarrett came up with.



      Delete
    5. Thanks HJ. It's funny...When I read it I switched 'wizards' and 'can' and didn't even notice the mix-up. Better double check before submitting tomorrow....
      Here's a revised, revised.

      16 yo Becca learns she’s the Halo of legend and seeks answers to her ability to control plants before corrupt wizards get her. #pitchMAS

      Delete
  13. Wow, I can type! Ok no, I had chihuahua help typing... wizards and can should be reversed roflol

    16yo Becca is seeking a secret society who can explain her sudden plant controlling ability before corrupt wizards can get to her. #PitchMas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Becca's ability to control flora has her seeking a secret society that may hold answers. Add in corrupt wizards, just what every 16yo needs.

      Delete
  14. Here are 3 ideas. Love to get your feedback!

    13yo human boy mistaken 4 vampire stuck in world where fave sport has rules against unnecessary decapitation. Get home b4 killed

    In a supernatural world, a 13yo hemophobic human boy mistaken 4 a vampire struggles to hide his identity & find a way home b4 killed

    13yo human boy is mistaken for a vampire, haunted by his dead sister & nearly decapitated-What will the 2nd day of school bring?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely like the last one better:

      13yo human boy is mistaken for a vampire, haunted by his dead sister & nearly decapitated-What will the 2nd day of school bring? #pitchMAS

      Delete
    2. I know you're trying to fit this pitch in 140 characters, but I'm not liking the numbers in place of words. The first one sounds like an AD on Craigslist instead of a pitch. The second one is better, hemophobic or homophobic? Maybe you should just leave that word out. I don't see it as important to the plot. I don't like the third. Why not rework it?

      A 13-year-old boy, haunted by his dead sister, is mistaken as a vampire and must fight for his life.

      That says it all and packs a punch. (Sorry if it was too harsh, I'm use to being very honest with critiques. Nothing personal.)

      Delete
    3. The 2nd two are the strongest, IMO.

      In the 2nd one, I think you could drop "In a supernatural world" out since you mention there are vampires. That way you could replace the numbers for words.

      The last one is just really catchy! I love the vibe and I think you could pitch that one some tomorrow as well.

      Good luck!

      Delete
    4. I like the last one, it gives a sense of voice.

      How about:

      Mistaken for a vampire, near decapitation and haunting sibling rivalry and it's only the first day of school. What will day 2 bring a 13yo?

      Delete
    5. I like the third option there. Be sure to include the hashtag #PitchMas. But I did like that third one.

      Delete
  15. A snarky orphan becomes hell bent on becoming Clark Kent when she discovers a villain plans to suck out the souls of the living. #PitchMAS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or....

      The Shadowmaker is at large again, souls are at stake, and one prank-pulling girl is the answer. #PitchMAS

      Delete
    2. I think using become and becoming so close together interrupts the flow. I'd replace becomes with "is" A snarky orphan is hell bent on becoming Clark Kent when she discovers a villains plan to suck out the souls of the living.

      Delete
    3. I know, that was bugging me! Thanks, I like that one too.

      Delete
    4. Here is an alternate.

      Being expelled was enough to get Meri’s lace's in a twist, but seeing dead people and taking down a villain really takes the cake. #PitchMAS

      Delete
    5. This last one that you posted, I think, gives me an insight into the character and her attitude. :) Good luck.

      Delete
  16. Hi Joy! I found you!

    I like the third option. It sets up for a fast paced tale.

    Kristen

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ok I have several variations I'm thinking about:

    Janelle's being seduced by a book character. Her reality changed, can she break a warlock's spell before losing her heart or sanity first?

    Janelle's being seduced by a book character. Her reality changed, she's tasked to break a curse before it breaks her.

    Janelle found her soulmate, but he's a character in a book. Seduced out of reality, she is tasked to solve a puzzle or lose him.

    Being seduced by a book wasn't what Janelle expected. Now she's tasked with solving a puzzle for a man that can't possibly exist.

    Janelle's fallen in love, the problem-he's just a character in a book. They say love conquers all, but even reality?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the third, but REALLY like the last one.

      Delete
    2. I really liked this one:

      Janelle's fallen in love, the problem-he's just a character in a book. They say love conquers all, but even reality?

      Delete
    3. I really like the last one also, something about the phrase "her reality changed" throws off the 1st two for me...

      How bout something like..

      Ever wished a fictional man could love you back? This time, Janelle's guy in a book does, pulling her into a fight for them both #PitchMas

      Delete
    4. I really liked the 4th and 5th ones. They're more poignant to me. Like HJ said. That second sentence threw me off.
      Good luck!

      Delete
  18. When 16yo healer Anna found her family, she never thought she'd be expected to rule a kingdom. If her uncle didn't kill her first. #pitchMAS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe change didn't to doesn't. Unless you're saying he killed her before she could rule.

      16yo Anna has been renuited with her family and will rule the kingdom. If her uncle doesn't kill her first.

      Something like that.

      Delete
    2. Yeah I agree with Racheal. "didn't" doesn't seem quite right unless we're not catching on to the timing of it all happening.

      At 16, Anna found her family and inherited a kingdom along with an uncle who wants to kill her.

      Delete
    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    4. I'd like to also agree to the above. Good luck!

      Delete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I wish I had known about this sooner. I would've taken more time to polish this up! :)

    Two worlds that are torn apart rely on Relena and her heart song to bring them back together before it's too late.

    Have fun! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I spiced it up a bit after looking at some of the pitches that were getting requests. Here's what I've got now.

      A werewolf Ancient and an ethereal vampire at war over the two worlds about to be destroyed. Relana's Heart Song can save them.
      What do you think?

      Delete
  21. Would appreciate any feedback on mine!

    YA: A virginal male Unicorn Rider must fight his feelings for his beautiful partner while saving the world from a lunatic ex-Rider.#Pitchmas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. N.
      Maybe: A/n (insert age) Unicorn Rider struggles against his desires for his partner while hunting down the lunatic ex-Rider (insert name).
      That's just my best attempt to make it more YA, in my opinion. Another thing, what would happen if he doesn't catch the lunatic ex-Rider? If you have the characters to spare, that should probably be added because it gives the idea of what is at stake.

      Delete
  22. Trying a new one. Let me know what ya'll think:

    To save the family she'd longed to find, 16yo Anna must do the unthinkable - murder her uncle. But how does one kill the immortal? #pitchMAS

    ReplyDelete
  23. This is mine, although I need to make it a lot shorter for twitter somehow:

    Isadora uncovers the truth of Icarus and must balance passion against her instincts as the story of the boy who flew too close to the sun begins to unravel around her.

    ReplyDelete